This Is What You Need To Hear Right Now: You'll never be completely happy (and that is a GOOD thing)
In this week's episode, we spoke with Cole Zesiger, a breakup coach, about navigating breakups, no contact, and moving on – not only to reclaim your life, but to live an even better one. Whether that's coming out of a divorce, a breakup of just a couple of months, or an undefined situationship – it doesn't matter. Breakups can be one of the biggest emotional tolls we go through. But when you think about it: breakups are just as prevelent as starting a relationship. But it's the part we want to avoid at all costs.
There were so many good nuggets in this conversation but there was one part that stood out: "One of the lies about dating after heartbreak is that you need to be completely happy. Neurologically this doesn't make any sense. Because one of the things that brings us happiness is oxytocin (i.e the love horomone). And you can't really get that in the same way as you can inside of a relationship outside of a relationship. You're not going to be at peak happiness and fulfillment just by yourself. But you can be happy enough. And if you're happy enough, you're not going to jump into the same old patterns and repeat them. You're going to be strong enough because you have stability in other areas of your life. But if you're whole happiness comes from the relationship and you've got nothing else going on, you're not going to be happy enough. And that's when it doesn't make sense to date yet."
We like this because let's normalize happy enough. The reality is that we aren't going to be 100% happy – especially when we feel like there's a part of life we haven't figured out (i.e finding a relationship when we're single or dipping our toe back into the dating world after a breakup). And even if we do have a partner, it's still too much pressure to expect peak happiness all the time. To go back into the dating world, you don't need to be 100%...but having a strong enough baseline is pivotal.
❤️ Share with a friend that also needs to hear this as well.
What We're Up To This Week
🎧 New Episode Alert! No Contact & The Key To Moving On After A Breakup w/ Cole Zesiger. If you haven't yet, make sure to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. We will also be back with #brunchtalk this Sunday where we go into why Gen Z is opting out of Situationships + how to know if you're on the same page as the person you're dating.
💕 We'll be relaunching our signature program 'Finding Your Person' next week! This is our flagship program where we take on a new cohort 1-2 times per year. This program does sell out each time as an FYI so join the early-bird waitlist.
💐Julie is celebrating her 4 year anniversary with her partner and is very excited for some wedding cake tasting + a nice dinner out this weekend.
🇹🇭Yue is still marveling in The White Lotus Season Finale. Was anyone surprised at the ending or did you suspect it?
Your Deal of the Week:
Yue was talking to her friend about mattresses and of course brought up our partner Avocado Green Mattress (because they are simply divine to sleep on!). Save 10% on certified organic mattresses at https://avocadogreenmattress.com
Julie has an outfit planned for tonight brought to you by Armoire (but seriously it is the best way to get new clothing often). Get 50% off your first month of clothing rentals (up to $125 off) with the code DATEABLE
We're so grateful for all of you and your continued support. A big thank you to everyone who has already ordered the book and for everyone else:
- Order the book: https://www.howtobedateable.com
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Stayyyy Dateable.
XOXO,
Julie & Yue
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