❤️ Why Texting In Dating Doesn't Matter As Much As We Think | The Dateable Dish
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Hello Dateables,
We’ve been talking a lot lately about something that’s become completely normalized in modern dating: constant communication. The texts all day. The “good morning” and “how was your day” check-ins. The endless back-and-forth that makes it feel like something is building. And honestly, we get why it feels good. Of course, you want to know someone is thinking about you (especially in the early stages), but more communication doesn’t always mean more connection. Sometimes, it actually creates the illusion of intimacy.
When you’re texting all day, it can start to feel like you know someone. But often what you actually know is their updates, not their inner world. And that leads to a few common patterns:
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Feeling close without real emotional depth
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Anxiety when texting slows down
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Confusing consistency of messages with consistency of character
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Staying “connected” without ever really grounding the relationship in real life
Healthy connection doesn’t come from more communication. It comes from more intention. Sometimes that looks like:
- Fewer, deeper conversations instead of constant check-ins: A real phone call where you actually explore each other’s thoughts > 30 scattered texts throughout the day
- Letting anticipation exist: Space isn’t absence; it’s what allows desire and curiosity to grow. That doesn’t mean you settle for never hearing from them between dates. But it does mean that it could change your expectations to not go into instant freak out mode (speaking from experience) if a day goes by with little activity.
- Being honest about communication styles early: Not everyone wants to text all day and that’s not a mismatch, it’s just data. Don’t be afraid to have these convos early on to better understand each other! It could save you a lot of agonizing of where you stand if you know from the gate they just aren’t much of a texter (and maybe it allows you to shift to an evening phone call instead.
- Not using texting as the relationship itself: Texting should support connection, not be the connection. In the early stages, the focus should be to act as a bridge to seeing each other in-person. And as long as that’s happening in the early days, you’re golden. Because when you’re already in an established relationship, you don’t need to be texting all day, every day. You’re already living your lives together.
- Noticing when messaging is filling emotional space: Are you texting because you want to connect—or because you feel unsettled when things are quiet? This simple reframe can put a lot into perspective. Instead of asking: Are we talking enough? Ask: Is this creating actual connection?
If you’ve been feeling stuck in cycles of “it felt so close… but didn’t go anywhere,” it’s worth looking at what’s actually being built—not just what’s being said. You’re not alone. Most people don’t realize they’re in this pattern until they step back and look at it.
If you want to look at your texting patterns (or even some recent texts from the person you’re dating), book a 1:1 call now:
👉 https://calendly.com/juliekrafchick/30-minute-clarity-call
If you don’t see availability, join the waitlist for next month.
Happy weekend all. Stayyyy Dateable!
Julie & Yue
PS: Make sure to listen to new Dateable episodes on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.
PPS: Already in a relationship or just super interested in the psychology bechind them? Subscribe now to our podcast 'The Psychology of Relationships' on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever else you get your podcasts.
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