❤️ You Don't Have a Type - You Have a Pattern | The Dateable Dish

1:1 Clarity Calls w/ Julie are now open for the month of April! There are limited spots so book yours now. If you don't see a time on the schedule, make sure to join the waitlist for next month. 

Hello Dateables, 

Julie here this week for a special Dateable dish. I've been reflecting a lot around what comes next: for the podcast, the community, and transparently my own career. And what keeps coming up for me is the opportunity to connect with some of you 1:1. Because the reality is if you're feeling stuck in dating right now, it's not because you haven't tried hard enough.

You’ve likely put yourself out there, gone on dates, and tried to stay positive – but somehow, the same situations keep showing up: feeling excited, then confused, or investing in something that never fully materializes. And that's because what matters more than anything is the patterns we're operating from. I get it because I've been here myself. And now from doing Dateable for 10 years, I've watched and helped thousands of daters release these patterns – and go on to have the best relationships of their lives. 

During my 20s and early 30s, I found myself in situationship after situationship (before it was a word!) or one-sided relationships where I felt like I was putting in 90% of the work to keep it going. There were days I wondered if I just stopped texting, would I ever even hear from them again?

It took me YEARS to figure out why I kept getting into similar situations with different people. I was operating from a place of scarcity, thinking that this person was a rare find, and potentially the "best" I'd ever get because they matched many of the criteria I had in my head of the type of person I wanted to end up with. Because I was so afraid to lose this person, I did everythign to control every situation, overextending myself and not giving them the room to show up as they were so I could even evaluate their capacity to be in a relationship!

I stayed connected to people for far too long because may reasons: my own lack of confidence, not being in touch with my needs, and being afraid to live by my standards and walk away if someone wasn't meeting them. 

Once I finally became aware and broke these patterns, dating felt so so different. There was a sense of lightness and confidence it would all work out, despite getting rejected more than ever before. "Rejection" no longer bothered me like it once had because I rewired my whole belief system around dating. I didn't even recognize the Julie that was dating before I met my husband.

You may identify with some of this or have your own unique set of patterns! I wanted to share some of the initial reflection that helped me start to gain awareness of my dating patterns, so hopefully it helps you too:

1. Look at who you feel consistently drawn to

Not your ideal on paper—your actual track record. 

Do you tend to like people who are:

• emotionally unavailable, who respond in bursts and then disappear?

• inconsistent, hot one day, distant the next?

• “potential” over reality, where you’re always hoping they’ll change?

• someone who’s exciting in the moment but never really shows up for you.

Attraction isn’t random, it's patterned.

2. Notice where things start to shift
Most people don’t struggle at the beginning. The pattern shows up later, usually when there’s something at stake. Is it the moment they pull away? The moment the connection gets real? Look at what happens right before you feel the urge to chase or shut down. It could be when you start overthinking, replaying texts with friends, feeling anxious when they take too long to respond, or losing interest when someone is consistent. 

That’s the pattern activating.

3. Pay Attention To What You Tolerate

Your standards aren’t just what you say you want, they’re what you allow to continue.

If you’re constantly giving the benefit of the doubt, waiting, or minimizing your needs…

That’s not bad luck. That’s a loop.

4. Ask yourself: what feels familiar?

We’re often drawn to what feels known, not what’s actually good for us.

So if something feels intense, confusing, or anxiety-inducing…
it might not be chemistry. It might be recognition.

-

You don’t need more dating advice.
You need awareness of the pattern driving your choices.

Because once that shifts, everything else does too—
who you’re attracted to, how you show up, and what you accept.

Maybe you read this and thought:
“Okay… this is me. But how do I actually change it?”

That’s exactly how I want to help.

After years of talking to thousands of daters, I can usually identify someone’s core pattern in about 30 minutes—and help them start breaking it in real time.

I’ve opened a limited number of spots this month for 1:1 Clarity Calls.If you’re ready to stop repeating the same cycle and actually understand what’s been holding you back, let's chat ❤️

https://calendly.com/juliekrafchick/30-minute-clarity-call 

If you click the link and don’t see availability, that means the spots are already taken. I’ll be opening more next month.

If you’ve been stuck in the same type of situation over and over again, it’s not a coincidence. It’s a pattern. And patterns can be changed.

Happy weekend all. Stayyyy Dateable!

Julie & Yue